In case you haven't realized this by now, event reports exist to make you seethe with jealousy. Seethe away:

There was JOUSTING! Yes, jousting. Really? Yes, jousting. People on horses with foam-tipped lances running at each other. Jousting. And Marguerite (who called the matches) looked resplendent in her shiny armor, and her horse in purple and yellow, but she always has the greatest garb. The BOC took some little clips with camera that will eventually find their way online. But watching in person was much much much better. Nyah.

The feast was fabulous. :: licking fingers :: The music was fabulous. With Vittoria and Moshe in charge, could you expect anything less? Fish in Saracen sauce. Chicken slow-roasted over a pit. Large-eyed cod. Stuffed fried figs. Pears and onions with saffron . . .

There was a triple-squiring. Names escape me at the moment, but someone took on 3 squires on Saturday night. To determine who would be squired first, the 3 squires had a shirtless wrestling match with Duke Uther in the light of the fire from the Spartan camp. The rules were: "Kicking is okay! Biting is okay! But no one gets kicked in the junk on my watch!" The first victim lasted 60 seconds before crying "Uncle!" The second fellow lasted 150 seconds and the third somewhere in between. The first fellow was officially declared "the beer bitch" and we laughed at him because we were mean.

Afterwards we set off for Lyons. On the way we passed a Waffle Inn, a Carrow's, a Denny's next to a Wendy's, and another Denny's two blocks later. (Keep in mind this was all on the same street). Eventually, we gave up and turned around and went to Carrows instead of seeking the Lyons (on the same street, but much further down). There we learned of Hannah's wonderful adventures with snotty mundane 13-year old princesses in Jewish camp. Nara regaled us with tales of "Vinny's Casino," where you can gamble with SCA coinage, which will be at Dark Mark. (Westermark Madness and the Barony of Darkwood are having a joint event. I'm sure hilarity, tears and blood will ensue).

Speaking of coins, Their Majesties gave the feasty folk beautiful neato keen coins. Nyah again.

The DOS is afraid she was too preoccupied with food-things to take enough pictures, but she does have some photos of Vyncent grooming Her Majesty and cutting Loria out of her dress with a knife.

Speaking of Loria, this will be her last event for a while. She will be going off to Ghana but will be back for 12th Night. The BOC will sort of miss her because she is entertaining fodder, despite her tendency to make embarrassing conversations a la:

BOC: "I'm hungry!"

Loria: "You eat like a pregnant lady."

BOC (indignant): "I am not pregnant!"

Loria (very loudly): "Are you sure you're not pregnant?"

Populace turns to stare.

BOC gives Loria the evil eye.

Oh yes, Jade and Eliana will be the new King and Queen of the West. I do believe that was the point of the event.

Now for your favorite part of any notes -- the quotes:

"Vyncent is a pimp." Said more than once by more than one person for reasons obvious in the notes

"We have the royals in our pocket. I suggest we use them." Loyal subject 1 "You mean take them out of our pocket?" Loyal subject 2

"You'll have a lumpy butt, but it'll be a rich butt." Sir John Theophilus

"Lyons is like an upper class Denny's." It may have been said by one, but was thought by many

"Vivien is such an ice queen." Steven, during the ride home

Overheard:

" You can't sleep with someone and then steal their stuff!"

"Lord __ called Lady _____ a bitch and I want you to do something about it!" Overheard by all the Kates during breakfast, causing us to laugh and laugh, somewhat nervously at first

There were a lot more "gems" but I can't remember them right now.

Viviana, Lady Devourer of Souls