This event report is rated PG for scandalous quotations.

We arrived late at the site on Friday and managed to find our way by the Spartan's propane torch, like a beacon in the dark, which lead to cries of "There be fire!" The rest of the evening involved setting up and listening to off-color stories.

Saturday was fighting of course. There was a demo, with the equestrians trying to knock a fleur-de-lys or sproingy bunny off each other's heads while on horseback. Then there was heavy fighting, with the outcome being Rorik Skogan and Peza Mirina are the new Lord and Lady of the Mists. (Video footage of the horseplay and the finals of Coronet will be sent out later). During the fighting Na'arah, who will become the new Bard of the Mists, ran around guilting people into writing fighter poems. The Chronithingymagig was not able to convince the Momstable she lacked the tools to do so, mainly because the Chronithingymagig was foolish enough to invite the Momstable onto the Kates list.

Right before dinner we had dancing until it got dark and even more dangerous. We danced Jenny Pluck Pears, and a number of things the Chronithingymagig knows not how to spell. We even got a certain Duke to dance with us. He did rather well after given directions pertaining to shield and sword, instead of the usual right and left. We attempted "slipping" steps without actually slipping on the treacherous grass or falling into a gopher hole. It was a lovely site but the ground made us cry. It was nice and close to the river, and was misty and moonlit at night. Late at night you could hear a lone cow, and early in the morning the sound of gunshots. We hope the two were unrelated.

The Russian party on Saturday night was fabulous. Beef roasting outdoors. Spinach. Salmon. Chicken. Spinach. Mushroom spread on bread. Shiny caviar. Spinach. Vodka. Sweets. Spinach. Stew. Abalone. Spinach. (Actually, there was only one spinach dish, but the DoS probably ate more of it than anyone else there).

One of the games at the Russian party was "how spliffified can we get Na'arah?" Level 1: She ponders whether to abandon vodka and switch to wine. Level 2: She sings "Puff the Magic Condom" (written when she was 19). Level 2.5: She starts singing dirty Swedish songs with Eliana (not the Queen). Level 3: She tries to knock down the propane torches.

Some ladies were also serenaded by Prince Dmitriy, who sang a profane Tenacious D song after he got all liquored up.

Mmm. Spinach.

Meghan (Princess of Cynagua, an Old Kate and another example of why the Kates Rock) clarified for us the different classes of Kates: The Scary Kates (they who were inebriated and profligate) The Scared Kates (they who sat in a camp with a flashlight and no fire pit) The Old Kates (they who were neither scary nor scared)

On Sunday the BOC was the first to wake up, as usual. After a futile attempt to block out the snoring from a neighboring tent the BOC got up and wandered over to the Heralds, the other miserable types to wake up before the morning shout (in this case because they have to give it). The BOC also wandered into a lady who was woken up by her baby. (Another reason not to have kids). At Herald's point, Urtatim told a very educational story about medieval dyeing with pee. (Apparently depending on the kind of dye you could use kiddie pee, female pee, male pee or alcoholic pee). I liked hearing about traditional indigo dyes: your cloth starts out yellow for a reason that makes a lot of sense, before it turns green, then blue as it oxidizes. Then Urtatim gave out lime ricotta cake with almonds. By the way, Urtatim recommends Aurelia's class on period uses of doody. She brings examples of um, stuff. It's supposed to be hilarious.

Then the BOC wandered back into camp and was eventually met by Na'arah, who said she had a two hour memory gap. If you would like to play relatively harmless games with our new Bard of the Mists, you can make up stories about those two missing hours.

Mmm. Lime ricotta cake with almonds.

Okay, you've waited long enough for the scandalous bits (although I know some of you scrolled ahead).

Quotes

"You're the goop queen." Hannah

"Would I make her do anything bad or wrong, at least until I start drinking?" Na'arah

Overheard: ". . . blah blah blah penis blah blah blah . . ."

Overheard: " . . . anonymous sex with a married king . . ."

Overheard: " . . . he took it out and went 'woo woo woo!'"

"I'm broken." Na'arah

"I wasn't slutty. Well, I was drunken. But I wasn't slutty." Meghan

"You're definitely more spooky than creepy." Loria

"If His Highness says you're a liar then sir, you are a liar." Unknown

"To quote my knight, women look at least ten percent better in them." Niall

Toodles,

Viviana Viviani, Chroninthingymagig, DoS, BOC, CoAT, CH